Resistant to Third Age as "Special"

Dear Father William,

My partner is totally into a set of constructs called "Third Age - the Thirty Year Life Bonus" that I now also know copious amounts about.  However, it just doesn't seem as mind-blowingly wonderful to me as to him.  I'm not alone in this reaction.  One friend says: "I don't get it.  You're trying to sell me something I'm going to get anyway - aging.  That's like trying to sell rust to a car owner!"  Another (who's considerably younger) agrees the guidance, humor and life experience you offer is universal and would be useful to folks of many ages and stages of life.

Why are you addressing yourself only to Third Agers and leaving the rest of us out?  I've already faced many of the concerns Third Agers bring to you.  At thirty I was re-evaluating my work, my values, my relationships and my satisfaction with life in general.  Since I and many of my contemporaries have spent the last 20 years working on these things, it feels strange to find you treating them as though they're special to those over 50.  What am I missing?

A Non-Third Ager Resistant to Third Age Being "Special"

Dear Resistant…

You are absolutely right to feel the way you do.  I know I would if I were you.  Nothing made me angrier than when my mother would say, "You're just going through a phase" (meaning, of course, that she knew things I didn't and was superior because she was older).  The problem you've highlighted is hard for all involved.

 I experience your end of this problem in my ongoing e-mail dialogue with friend and mentor, Ed who's my senior by 22 years.  Even though he's incredibly humble and treats me as fully equal, there are still times I think he's speaking down to me, and I react.  It takes all the maturity I have to remember he's giving me a gift of perspective I can't have yet (which doesn't make it necessarily true or even helpful for me).  I try to remember it’s not Ed I’m reacting to, but all those others who used their seniority to act superior.  Even so, my first reaction is still resistance when it happens to me.

 It's too bad many insecure people do misuse their seniority to feel more important than they are.  But these abuses don't mean there's no such thing as true maturity and wisdom, and, when they are real, they are usually a product of BOTH experience AND learning from that experience.  Of course, years alone don’t guarantee anything...

Some people have twenty years of experience. 

Others have one year of experience twenty times.

But more years do allow more learnings and the mellowing of those learnings into wisdom.  The maturing of wine is a fair comparison.  No amount of time will make a bad wine great, but rushing a great wine to table can keep its potential from ever becoming reality.  I think we all have the potential for great wisdom within us, and its realization requires maturing over time.  When we develop, access and use that wisdom, we help create a better world for ourselves, our loved ones and everyone else.  And that, to me, is the point of Third Age - to help create a better world for all those who will come after us.

Puzzled & Resistant, you're also absolutely right about most of this material being useful at any age, and I hope no one feels excluded from participating here for any reason.  I'm sorry you felt that way.  Please come as often as you want, and don't be put off by the emphasis on Third Age.  There are two main reasons why I make Third Age the focus my work now.

The first is because I believe our world is starving for mature and caring leadership at the same time we're encountering a "Perfect Storm" of Third Agers.  As the "Boomers" move into retirement, they can be an enormous Social Security burden or they can become a leadership resource never before available.  I want to help us become that resource, and so I address those in or near their Third age.  In doing so, I intend no disrespect to anyone else.

The second, and very personal reason is at 65 I find myself living in a culture conditioned to believe "old people" have nothing more to contribute (and I'm now one all these "old people").  Your friend's image of seniors as "old cars" and aging as "rust" is so pervasive it's tragic.  What are such "old cars" good for?  Scrap and the junkyard, that's all.  (We sure don't want them lying around the property, do we?)  What kind of contribution are people who think of themselves as "old cars" likely to make?

Even though I'm in perfect health and have always looked younger than my age, I struggle with these destructive self-images of aging.  What does this mean for those who haven't been as physically fortunate as I?  How are they supposed to see themselves as beings of value with love and expertise to contribute?

There are literally millions of Third Agers who need freeing from these stereotypes so they can give back to the world (perhaps some are close to you).  This is why I direct this universal wisdom specifically to those in Third Age - not because that wisdom belongs more to us than anyone else, but because it's my way of helping us see truly who we are and what is ours to give the world now...

Love, Father William